We recently received news that Nick's uncle, Joe, passed away. I know family reads this, and I believe everyone grieves differently, but I don't think I am being to uncharitable when I say that not only was Joe a solitary man, but his recent drug use isolated him even further. Few people even had the chance to visit Joe in the hospital. It is a sad testament to a man from such a large, loving family. But it reminds me yet again, that we die as we live.
The funeral of my Grandpa was a very quiet affair. No more than 20 people present, with a simple gravesite service-Grandpa was also a solitary man and it showed. Nick's Grandma's service at the funeral parlor was standing room only-she was very social. Funerals, and life in general, are not a popularity contest, and both grandparents are missed, but this most recent passing reminds of who I want to be.
When my sister was investigating synagogue's to attend in the Portland area, she visited numerous different sites, looking for a good fit. One in particular was the synagogue my maternal Grandma had attended and over 40 years after her passing, my sister received compliments on what a wonderful woman she was and how much people miss her. 40 years later, she is still remembered. Will people say that about me? Will I be remembered for the kind gestures I did or the fact I won't wear white socks? Will my foul mouth and gossipy ways linger longer than my work with Girl Scouts? There is no right or worng answer-it is just a ponderous thought. The sad thing for Joe is that though he may have had kind gestures, what I will remember is the drug use-I only met him a few times, and drug use was a part of his life by then. I am sure the people who knew him as a little boy will remember something kinder.
I don't know the saying verbatim (do I ever know the saying verbatim?!?!?) but Maya Angelou has a quote made famous by the internet that talks about people forgetting what you said, but always remembering how you made them feel. I think it is important to mention that now, and to always remind myself how true it is.
May you rest in Peace Joe and find the solace you were seeking.
1 comment:
Well said! I think about these things also, especially now that I am going through the life changes I am going through. Who do I want to be when I grow up? Not sure but I am fairly certian who I don't want to be! ;)
btw- I have a new blog address, follow my name here and it will take you too me... if you want to still read me that is! ;)
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