Last night we went to Baja Fresh for dinner. It is the fourth time this week I have been there-yes those cravings are still there. By this time, I have told them I am pregnant because the other option was to just have them think I am crazy. I mean, who in their right mind eats that stuff 3-4x a week? The same thing everytime? So by now, the manager guy knows me on sight, he knows most of my order, and he almost knows my name. As I am standing around, waiting to take dinner home, he is polite enough to converse with me and upon finding out I have a son (whom I had no cravings with), Manager Guy says "You want a girl then this time?"
Okay, just about everyone has asked me that. And I do mean, just about everyone. The assumption is, we get one sex, then we must want the other, or that mommies want a little girl to fawn over and put dresses on. Hmmm, I missed that memo yet again. But let me tell you a story:
The decision to have Thing 2 (as I call the baby right now), was harder to make then the decision to have Thing 1 (Asa). Thing 1 made us the parents we wanted to be; Thing 2 is designed to entertain Thing 1, but we as parents have all the work. We decided to go for Thing 2, and I decided, based on how it went with Asa, we would shoot for an October Baby with the flexiblity of knowing September worked well also. I was shocked to find 0ut Thing 2 was due in August. I giggled uncontrollably the rest of my appointment. This wasn't what I wanted!!!! I didn't want a summer baby! My baby clothes are the wrong season, my maternity clothes are the wrong season, I have to work around a birthday in the summer now when it comes to camping, and it just wasn't what I had planned.
I grieved for a few days (pregnant women are allowed the hormonal stuff at least briefly), and then gave myself a big mental slap. There is a whole lot worse news you can receive at your fetus's doctor's appt. then the dates aren't what you want. I don't have to say them here because I know people who read this blog (my sister included) who have received bad news, and every pregnant woman fears hearing bad news. I don't need to repeat it. Besides, who evr said I rule the universe? Who declared I got to pick birthdates, or months in the first place? No one. So I figured that if god was going to change the music, I needed to change my dance step. A summer baby means I won't have a newborn at Christmas (by 4 months lights and action will be fun). I can have birthday parties outside. And the grandparents get to buy clothes all over again, which they seem to love.
So now, we find out Wednesday boy or girl for Thing 2 and I can honestly say, I will be disappointed either way. I was with Asa. Sure I was having a girl, I was sad that I wouldn't have a son. Then we found he was a boy, and I got sad because I lost my daughter. Okay, it makes absolutely no sense-I know that. I feel the same way this time-I get excited about the prospect of either because each comes with their own challenges and joys. And a healthy baby supercedes any other wish I may have.
When we find out what kind of music God is giving us, we will taylor our dance step to fit the beat.
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3 comments:
Not to be a Debbie Downer but I'd trade places with you in a heartbeat -- an actual baby to term. Bring it on.
Whatever the music is it will be lovely... maybe not so soothing/relaxing like a nice peice of classical but neither will it be a peice of heavy metal, it will be allthings combined! :)
Erin I am sorry for your pain. There is nothing worse to a Mommy then when her bee's are in trouble no matter the timing of that trouble!!!!
I agree Dena! Either way, a healthy baby is the goal. And either way they will be so different in personality anyway.
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