Sunday, March 22, 2009

Father's Day Early

I just finished reading Tim Russert's book "Wisdom of our Fathers: Lessons and Letters From Daughters and Sons". People sent Tim Russert's letters that they wrote their father's and he compiled them into a book. It was pretty good, and a nice read for someone with two young kids. It got me thinking about what I would write, or say to my dad. Isn't that the point of books like this?
So, I gave it a lot of thought. There are a lot of things I could say but why state the obvious. Yes he was kind, and there for us. He was loyal, and fun to be around. But when I thought really hard there were really only two things I could say about my dad that didn't also describe the family dog.
My dad taught me that success isn't measured by achievement, but by trying even if you fail. Hip hip hooray for losers!! Just kidding dad.
My dad is an only child. My dad didn't date much. My dad's knowledge of women is a lot less than what he knows about hunting and cars. And yet God blessed him with two daughters. It is what we call "irony". Growing up in the 1950's and '60's did not help his cause. Sexism was taught, accepted, and totally legal. In the 1970's when I was born, a "modern" dad hugged, told his kids he loved them, and that was the end of the expectation. Oh, sure, many, many dad's did more than that, but just as roles for women have changed, so to have they changed for men, and in the '70's, I had a lot of friends who didn't do much with their dad beyond simple conversation. My dad may have been clueless about girls, but that didn't stop him from forging a relationship with us. He stole our toys, took us camping, and came to our piano recitals. We did his hair, made fun of his clothes, and asked him to buy us stuffed animals. He was way out of his league, but he still kept plugging along. As he said to me once, what else could he do? It wasn't perfect. There were some tears when the wrong things were said, and Pollyanna could have given us a lesson or two. But I will always, always be glad and grateful that my dad gave it his best shot and stuck in there, even when the going went through puberty (ugh-not doing that again)!
So, dad is an only child. My husband is an only child. My mom has two sisters, neither of who had children of their own. I have a sister. My mom was raised by her single mom after grandpa passed away when my mom was young. My family is female orientated. It wasn't planned, it just happened. I have two little boys. God must be in hysterics by now. This was brought home to me one night when Noah was first home from the hospital. Asa runs by me drooling. Why, I thought, why is he drooling!? Then just as I catch a whiff of what is in Asa's pants (oh yeah) Noah does a big "sssqqquuiirt" on my lap. Who knew being a mother could be so much fun. I caught myself saying "now what?" and almost immediately it was followed by my dad's voice saying "...you do what you have to." I may not know jack diddly about boys, but by golly, I won't let that stop me. Having girls didn't stop my dad, and my sons will have a relationship with me, even if it involves tears.
The second thing my dad taught me was that no matter what the outside says about you, it is how you feel on the inside that determines our age. My mom has taught me this to, but with less scaring involved. My dad is forever 21-drinking beer and doing dumb things. He was well over 50 when he fell off the houseboat and bounced off the deck below, only to land in the water with a broken femur. He was past 60 when he biffed it on his new ATV and had the thing land on him. He cracked his helmet and bruised so badly he had a pint of blood rolling around under his skin. The dog was never that dumb.
I hope my son's get the same things from me.

1 comment:

AMJ said...

I hope mom shows this to dad. It is so true.