Asa and I just returned from a few days at my friend Katie's. We had a glorious time playing with her kids and soaking in some much deserved sunshine (thanks Katie!!). But we had an interesting moment one morning that I keep thinking about. After a late night of talking, and an early morning of energetic kids, Katie and I were kind of zoning on the couch when 2 year old Emma came to us with a book and pointed out the colors, as my son walked by saying "mine, mine" (thanks grandma). I was excited for Emma, and Katie commented that her kids were both really good about their colors at that an early age. And then she looked at Asa and said, "Oh, but I am sure he will know his colors soon too." It was sweet of her to say that, but she didn't have too. However, I understand why she did. Mom's seem to be so competitive when it comes to our children. I have actually heard conversations that went something like this:
Mom 1: "My 2 year old daughter is potty trained."
Mom 2: "Oh, well my 2 1/2 year old son is potty trained too AND he can dress himself."
Mom 3: "Oh yeah. Well, my 3 year old son is potty trained, can dress himself, AND sew his own clothes."
It seems lik we have to prove to everyone we are not raising the village idiot. Everytime another article comes out on what is best for kids, moms across the world howl at how wrong it is. Day care kids more articulate? Stay at home mom's cite all the books they read to their children. Day care kids more violent? Day care mom's starting listing everytime their kids say please. Home schooling? Must be a hippy. Sending your kids to public school? You must not care about their well-being. Of all the demographic groups there are, moms should be the most supportive of each other and yet we are the quickest to tear each other down and apart. Why? Maybe because the pressure is so great to create the most perfect human being? Because we don't know until our child is 25 if we did good or not? Because parenting is so hard we are afraid to be wrong? The only two questions we should be asking ourselves is A) What's best for my child and B) What's best for my family? and they are the two questions I hear least. I find it disheartening.
Asa and I are going to Katie's again the first couple days of July. By then, Ethan and Emma might be able to count to 10 in 20 different languages and recite the Gettysburg Address backwards and in French. I will be extremely proud of them. And if Asa is still running around saying "mine, mine" (again, thanks grandma), I will still love him and be just as proud. I want my son to grow up to be a good man and even if he never finds the cure for cancer, and if the most he ever accomplishes is "just being a good daddy", that will be fine by me.
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I totally agree with your thoughts, I am not sure what it is. But I know I do it too with out meaning too. I think it is that we just want the best for our kids and the chance to provide them with the most opportunities, whatever we as parents feel those are. I think part of it is also insecurity, we don't want our kids to go through the same difficulties we did. So in our quest to raise the most well rounded kid in the universe we start looking down on others to prove we are right. But in the end there is no "right" and no "wrong" because everyone is different and what works for one, does not necessarily work for the other. And at the end of the day success is different for everyone. So I agree if I grow up with happy, productive kids that have a good relationship with me when they are older, I will have done my job.
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